One of the scariest things in the early days of my diagnosis is that the pathology was unclear. Best case scenario, the cancer was contained. Worst case scenario, it had spread beyond what they could imagine. This fear was heightened by the fact that all the normal tests that catch cervical cancer failed to detect mine. I was diagnosed long after they usually diagnose women. And that terrified every medical professional I saw.
Mother's Day is right around the corner. With all of the advertising and social media hype, it's easy to think that Mother's Day is a day where everyone is celebrating with smiles on their faces and children in their arms. But maybe that is not you at all. Maybe the talk about Mother's Day makes you want to crawl into a corner and hide there until Sunday passes. I have a feeling you are not the only one.
The women of our church recently finished a bible study on the book of James. Like the other studies we have done, this one proved fruitful in our lives and conversation. As we completed the study on Thursday night, this theme kept running through my head:
"A heart changed by Christ means a life changed by Christ."
One of the many comments I get when I'm out and about with the twins is "you must be so busy!" I guess I am. The truth is, since I have only had twins, I don't know any different. I was thrown into this whole parenting thing with two babies instead of one. So I've learned parenting like the rest of my mom friends, just with less arm and lap space. As you can probably imagine, I get other comments, too. Comments like "Better you than me!" "They must be double trouble!" Those are true statements, too, I guess. When one gets into something, the other usually follows.
A couple of weeks ago, I was watching an interview with music artist, Pharrell. Known for his musical genius, he again was in the news with the launch of his newest album, GIRL. I have not heard the album, so I can’t speak to its content. But his comments about the album struck me more than anything else. When asked why he felt the need to do an entire album devoted solely to women, he remarked that he loves women. Women are valuable. Women are great. And the fact that women face so much inequality in the world, he felt it was the least he could do.
Whenever I hear someone talk about Hannah from 1 Samuel it is usually because of her great trust in the midst of her barrenness. She is the test case for infertility, really. Barren in a culture that gave women their worth by the fruit of their womb. Reviled by the second wife who bore her husband the multitude of children she so desperately wanted, yet couldn't have.
The subject of race has been a polarizing topic in our country for longer than any of us have been alive. In many ways, the lasting effects of the racism that divided us are still entrenched in many communities. If we move into the church, we find that even among God’s people, diversity and freedom from race divisions is still a longed for reality.
I have thought hard about the goodness of God these last three years. What I keep coming back to is that God's ways are not my ways. The bible tells me that and I know it in my soul. April 2 is a "God's ways are not my own" sort of day for me. You see, April 2 is the due date of our first baby. I could have had a three year old today. In previous years I have marked this day with a myriad of emotions. The first year hit me the hardest and each subsequent year has been a little less painful, yet no less impactful.
People prepared me for a lot of things before the birth of my twin boys last year. I received advice on everything from sleep training, my own impending lack of sleep, the difficulty of learning to be a parent, and that in reality you are never really prepared. I was fully prepared to feel completely unprepared when those two little ones burst on the scene. And they did with complete surprise (eight weeks early!). We were as unprepared as we were ever going to be.
