One of the scariest things in the early days of my diagnosis is that the pathology was unclear. Best case scenario, the cancer was contained. Worst case scenario, it had spread beyond what they could imagine. This fear was heightened by the fact that all the normal tests that catch cervical cancer failed to detect mine. I was diagnosed long after they usually diagnose women. And that terrified every medical professional I saw.
Since my kids aren't in school yet, I don't really have the summer to break up our normal routine of life. But I did just turn in my book manuscript, so in some ways it feels like I am on summer break as I wait for edits to start. Also, because I am not working on my book right now, I am able to read things that have been on my list for a while now. Here is my summer reading list and some favorite podcasts I am enjoying right now. I'd love to hear what's on your list, too!
The summer between my 7th and 8th grade years our golden retriever had puppies. On the last day of school we woke up to eight black lab/golden retriever mix puppies, making that summer one of the most memorable I’ve ever had. We watched Montana go from playful family dog to protective mother literally overnight. She birthed those puppies on her own in her doghouse. She nursed those babies whenever they were hungry. She snapped at my youngest brother when he tried to touch one of them. She never left them in those early days.
And then she weaned them.
I’m not exactly sure how the weaning process goes for dogs, but as quickly as she went from jovial family dog to protective momma dog, she went right back to her former life without batting an eye. We gave away most of the puppies, but kept one for my brother (he loved dogs), and her relationship with that dog was filled with contention. He bothered her. He had more energy than her. In many ways the way she acted around him was like any other dog that invaded her personal space. Sure, she birthed him and nursed him. But once that process was over she forgot it even happened. She forgot he was her son.
Not so with humans, right?
I have a couple of friends who often are the first to step in to serve someone in need. When we’ve had a long stretch of Daniel traveling, one friend has offered to babysit for us so we can reconnect after time apart. When I mention needing something organized in my house, one friend will come up with an idea that meets our needs and then come help finish the project. When one of the pastor’s wives needs help tearing down from an event, one friend is always the first to start cleaning up.
I’ll be honest. These things do not come naturally to me.
For as long as I can remember, I have loved sleep. Sometimes I wake up in the morning excited for when I can sleep again. I can sleep pretty much anywhere. I like naps. I just really love sleep.
Until I couldn’t sleep any longer.
For the better part of a year (and off and on for a few years) I have dealt with bouts of insomnia.
This is Sunday will be my fourth Mother’s Day with full arms. Each year my arms feel more full than the last, and this year is no different. But not every Mother’s Day has been this way for me. While this might be my fourth happy Mother’s Day, it is actually my sixth Mother’s Day. I remember that one so clearly. We had just passed the due date for our first baby. Daniel quietly celebrated me for the life I carried briefly, though my womb and arms remained achingly empty. I remember every quiet Mother’s Day after that, when I wondered if God would ever answer the cry of my heart for children this side of heaven. I remember the Mother’s Day after our second miscarriage, when my arms were full with the twins, yet I still longed for the baby I would never hold in this life.
Mother’s Day can be bittersweet for so many of us.
It’s a good time to be a Christian woman who writes. I have benefited from the writing of many godly women who have pointed me to Jesus and opened the Scriptures to me in the pages of their books. Christina Fox is one such writer. I’ve enjoyed reading Christina for a long time. Her writing is Christ-centered, filled with Scripture, and done well. So I was excited to read her new book, A Heart Set Free: A Journey to Hope Through the Psalms of Lament. It did not disappoint.
“Just wait until you have kids. You will never sleep again.”
I’ve uttered my fair share of “just waits” to people over the years. Just wait until you get a real job in the real world, just wait until you get married, just wait until you have a toddler, just wait until they are potty trained, just wait until you have one, two, or three kids—just wait, it’s going to get harder.
I’m not doing that anymore.
So much of our unfinished business is part of life in a fallen world. Sin has infected every part of our lives, leaving work thorny and difficult, relationships messy, and life just plain overwhelming at times. Even our sanctification feels unfinished most days. We take one step forward and three steps back with that besetting sin. We see growth in our response to circumstances only to be met with a heart that distrusts God in the next test. Our to-do list may be unfinished, but we also feel the weight of the unfinished business of our soul. I know I do.
But there is one thing we can bank on being finished right now—the problem of our sin.
