One of my favorite things about being at Bethlehem Baptist Church was when Pastor John would read an Advent poem every Sunday leading up to Christmas. While I never heard this one live, last Christmas The Innkeeper really ministered to me in moments when I felt so sad over our loss. You can hear him read the entire poem on Desiring God's website, but here is a little taste of the richness of his words.
Hope for the Holidays: Encouraging Resources
Last Christmas I really struggled to find joy in the midst of losing our baby. We were only a few months out from our miscarriage and at times it just felt like God had forgotten us. Last Christmas I thought for sure I would be pregnant (or have a new baby) by this Christmas. And here we are again, our empty arms still aching. Our story is not unlike so many stories out there. There are a lot couples, like us, who are facing Christmas longing for their family to be enlarged, or grieving the loss of the child they hoped for. It's painful. It's lonely. And at times it feels like you would much rather curl up in a ball and forget the whole Christmas thing. It's hard to feel joyful when you feel so joyless.
When Life Begins
Many eyes were on Mississippi today as they ventured out to cast their vote in the important “personhood legislation” known as Initiative 26, stating that personhood begins when an egg is fertilized by a sperm. It is a polarizing piece of legislation that has led to harsh rhetoric from a variety of angles. I have not followed this story very closely, but one article that I read today enraged and saddened me.
A Good Warning
The Way God Answers Prayer
One of the hardest things in our struggle to conceive again has been facing the fact that God's answer to our prayer at this time seems to be "not now." We cry out to him regularly, asking him to do what only he can do, which is open my womb again. We can't make him answer our prayers in the way that we want any more than we can create life. It's a humbling place to be.
Doubting Good News
Sarah was 90 years old when she was told she would give birth to a son. Zechariah was well passed the age when a normal person becomes a father when he was promised a child. Both had spent years praying, longing, hoping, and grieving over the desire for children. So you can imagine their amazement (and shock) when they are told that they will soon receive the desire of their heart. But their reaction is more than just shock.
Trusting What You Cannot See
"Between the death of Lazarus and his resurrection four days later, his family could not see how God would be glorified in it. That would be revealed at his resurrection. Therefore, if that is where you stand today—and all of us do, in some sense, not seeing clearly how God is glorified in the death of our beloved—do not judge before the resurrection. God is doing more than you can know. And the resurrection will bring it all to light. In the mean time, trust him, and treasure him above all things." - John Piper, This Illness Is for the Glory of God (sermon)
While We Wait
Carolyn McCulley has recently written a couple of posts (here and here) about praying for a husband and living with the desire for marriage when it's not necessarily being fulfilled immediately. While the posts don't apply to my specific situation right now, I found her insights about waiting on God to provide something you strongly desire extremely helpful for myself in this season of infertility. Waiting is waiting. The specifics are different, but often the helplessness of the waiting is the same regardless of the thing we are waiting for.
Wilberforce for Today
I've been reading Eric Metaxas book, Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery, and it has been as challenging as I thought it would be. I thought I knew a good bit about the abolition of slavery, but have realized that most of my knowledge about this horrible practice is from American history. Wilberforce was the leader of abolition in England, so I've learned a whole new aspect of history that has been insightful and made me really think about the implications for me in the 21st century.
I Will Rise
“He will rise from this grave, you know?” That’s what my mom told me a couple of months ago after visiting my grandpa’s grave site. After looking at the plaque that marks his life, she reflected on the truth that one day he will get up out of that grave and rise. Amidst the sadness that he is no longer with us, we have a hope as Christians. When we buried him a year and a half ago we were devastated, but hopeful about a coming resurrection for him and for us. In the same way that our Savior rose from the dead and walked out of the tomb, we also will rise from the dead. When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead he was showing his followers, and us, what he would do for all believers who die in Christ. Death is not the end for us.