012 has arrived and many of us have moved from family mode to reflective mode. We are making lists and making goals. We are resolving to exercise more, read more, accomplish a difficult task, or learn a new skill. We are looking back at 2011 and looking forward to 2012. The beginning of a year can feel very hopeful and anticipatory about what is to come. Maybe 2011 wasn’t the year you expected, and you want 2012 to be the turning of a page and start of a new and better chapter of your life.
Waiting for the Light
One of the hardest elements of this past year has been the lingering feelings of darkness and sadness. It is in these moments that it seems that I'm unable to feel anything at all. I know I should be feeling joy in the Lord. I know my only hope is to treasure Christ and cling to him alone. I know I should be talking to myself instead of listening to myself. I know a lot of things in those moments, but the kicker is that I don't feel a lot of things.
Silent Christmas: A Poem
No infant cries to call our own
No tiny presents that fill our home
Just a deafening silence that tells a story
Of what was, is not, and now will not be
We sing the songs that tell of good cheer
And all the while wish you were here
Your mommy and daddy, we miss you so
Yet in our sadness we hope and know
That your Christmas celebration is much greater than this
More joy, more laughter, and endless bliss
For in our Savior's presence you forever will stand
And one day we will meet you in Emmanuel's land
No tiny presents that fill our home
Just a deafening silence that tells a story
Of what was, is not, and now will not be
We sing the songs that tell of good cheer
And all the while wish you were here
Your mommy and daddy, we miss you so
Yet in our sadness we hope and know
That your Christmas celebration is much greater than this
More joy, more laughter, and endless bliss
For in our Savior's presence you forever will stand
And one day we will meet you in Emmanuel's land
Another Resource: A Poem for Christmas
One of my favorite things about being at Bethlehem Baptist Church was when Pastor John would read an Advent poem every Sunday leading up to Christmas. While I never heard this one live, last Christmas The Innkeeper really ministered to me in moments when I felt so sad over our loss. You can hear him read the entire poem on Desiring God's website, but here is a little taste of the richness of his words.
Hope for the Holidays: Encouraging Resources
Last Christmas I really struggled to find joy in the midst of losing our baby. We were only a few months out from our miscarriage and at times it just felt like God had forgotten us. Last Christmas I thought for sure I would be pregnant (or have a new baby) by this Christmas. And here we are again, our empty arms still aching. Our story is not unlike so many stories out there. There are a lot couples, like us, who are facing Christmas longing for their family to be enlarged, or grieving the loss of the child they hoped for. It's painful. It's lonely. And at times it feels like you would much rather curl up in a ball and forget the whole Christmas thing. It's hard to feel joyful when you feel so joyless.
When Life Begins
Many eyes were on Mississippi today as they ventured out to cast their vote in the important “personhood legislation” known as Initiative 26, stating that personhood begins when an egg is fertilized by a sperm. It is a polarizing piece of legislation that has led to harsh rhetoric from a variety of angles. I have not followed this story very closely, but one article that I read today enraged and saddened me.
A Good Warning
The Way God Answers Prayer
One of the hardest things in our struggle to conceive again has been facing the fact that God's answer to our prayer at this time seems to be "not now." We cry out to him regularly, asking him to do what only he can do, which is open my womb again. We can't make him answer our prayers in the way that we want any more than we can create life. It's a humbling place to be.
Doubting Good News
Sarah was 90 years old when she was told she would give birth to a son. Zechariah was well passed the age when a normal person becomes a father when he was promised a child. Both had spent years praying, longing, hoping, and grieving over the desire for children. So you can imagine their amazement (and shock) when they are told that they will soon receive the desire of their heart. But their reaction is more than just shock.
Trusting What You Cannot See
"Between the death of Lazarus and his resurrection four days later, his family could not see how God would be glorified in it. That would be revealed at his resurrection. Therefore, if that is where you stand today—and all of us do, in some sense, not seeing clearly how God is glorified in the death of our beloved—do not judge before the resurrection. God is doing more than you can know. And the resurrection will bring it all to light. In the mean time, trust him, and treasure him above all things." - John Piper, This Illness Is for the Glory of God (sermon)