My Favorite Hymn

How firm a foundation ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word.
What more can he say, than to you he hath said;
To you, who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

Fear not, I am with thee, oh be not dismayed
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid.
I strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace all-sufficient shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee, I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to His foes.
That soul, though all Hell should endeavor to shake
I'll never, no never, no never forsake.

This is by far my favorite hymn. I say that, knowing that my "favorites" change frequently. But I am pretty sure that this one is a constant. After our miscarriage over two years ago this song was in my head throughout the days, weeks, and months of my grief. Since then the words have always been near to my heart.

We sang "How Firm a Foundation" at my brother's wedding a couple of months ago and it was all I could do to keep from weeping. Three days before his wedding we found out about our precious twins. As I tried to sing the words to this song I was moved to tears. For over two years this song has been my comfort in our suffering. The promise that "the flame" of infertility and loss would not hurt me, but would refine me was something I clung to so tightly in my darkest days. The truth that Christ would not ever leave me even when every force imaginable was shaking my faith in his goodness was my lifeline. The promise that He would be my refuge even when the deep waters of sorrow seemed to overwhelm me was like a precious light at the end of a dark and weary tunnel.

And there I was, carrying two precious lives who were a testimony of his kindness to answer our desperate prayers. But even more than that I was on the verge of crying because those words reminded me that God is a God who keeps his promises. He did use our infertility to refine me. He did uphold me by his omnipotent hand. He was my only refuge in the storm. And I could stand there (and stand here today) thankful for the deep darkness that was our infertility and pregnancy loss. I have emerged a very different woman, that's for sure. But I have emerged with new eyes to see his goodness and power not only to answer the cries of our heart, but also to use our suffering to make us more like himself.

We have a firm foundation. His name is Jesus Christ. I have already started singing this song in hopes that these little boys will hear me singing and one day love the song as much as me. But more than anything, my prayer is that they would stand on this firm foundation through repentance and faith, so that no matter what trial comes their way they will lean on him every day of their life.