I re-entered the workforce in 2020. (Crazy, right?) While it was a great opportunity and a remote position, it still brought up a lot of new rhythms and emotions our family had to navigate. I had always done some sort of work, but up to that point I was freelance. I was my own boss. I pulled back when needed because I accepted projects based on what our family could handle. Saying “yes” to a job meant saying “no” to that sort of flexibility.
Ask any mom who works outside the home, and she will tell you that going back into the workforce brings up all the mom feelings. Whether you’re a first-time mom and your maternity leave is winding down, or you’ve been out of the workforce for a few years and are stepping back into it, taking that first step feels like a mix of excitement and dread.
There are a lot of competing voices in our head when we make the decision to go back to work. And it can be hard to discern which ones to listen to. Lies abound, but so do things that sound true. Guilt lurks beneath the surface of everything we do, but so does relief that we can bring in a paycheck or use our abilities in a different way. For the mom, our kids are always in the front of our minds, and we wonder if our choices are going to hurt them or help them. In these moments we need to focus on what is true. I don’t pretend to know how to handle all of the working mom struggles. I’m still learning myself (and recently made another job change to come on staff at my church). But as I’m reflecting on completing an entire year of working outside the home regularly, I’m reminding myself of some of the things I’ve learned in the process.
You’re the mom God gave your kids.
Perhaps the hardest thing about going back to work for moms is the guilt they feel for choosing work, or maybe even the guilt they feel for having to work. A variety of internal and external pressures contribute to a mom feeling like what she’s doing is not the best thing for her children. As a result, we can be tempted to think that we’re less than a mom. Other moms with more discretionary time are the better moms, the present moms, even the “real” moms. But the fact that you’re their mom is a fixed reality. You’re the mom God gave them, and he always knows best. You might not be able to do all the things that other moms can with their children, but that doesn’t make you less of a mom. You still care about what they eat and watch. You still make sure they are bathed and have clean underwear. You still talk to their teachers and invest in their friendships. You still love them fiercely. You’re still kept up at night by the same fears every other mom has for her children. You’re still the mom. And you’re the mom God gave them.
The work you do is good work.
This one has double meaning because it applies to inside and outside the home. A mom’s work doesn’t stop inside the home just because she gets a paycheck for work outside the home. Laundry needs to be folded. Dishes need to be washed. Children need to be read to. Those bathrooms don’t scrub themselves. (Wouldn’t that be nice?) And this is all work that honors the Lord. But the work you do outside the home equally honors him. This is because you’re created in the image of God, so whether you bring in a paycheck for what you do, or you don’t, your work is good because God created you to work and called it good (Gen. 1:16-2:25). God is the first and best worker (Gen. 1-2), and when he created humanity in his image, he gave them a job to do. This was long before paychecks were a thing. Paychecks are nice, but they don’t determine the value of the work we do. Our image bearing determines the value of the work we do. So, you can clean with joy knowing your work isn’t in vain. And you can lead team meetings with joy knowing the very same thing.
Difficulty in going back to work doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.
I’m speaking this one to myself all day, every day. Going back to work is hard. Sometimes it feels like a logistical impossibility to get all the pieces fit together. Childcare falls through and you’re left scrambling to work from home or having to call in to work. You burn dinner because you didn’t have enough time or order more takeout than you thought you would. You forget to order groceries and everyone’s lunch is filled with fruit snacks and peanut butter and jelly. You really want to see your mom friends, but you can’t fit in all the other household things that are left sitting while you’re gone during the day.
Especially in the beginning, you’re pulled in a lot of different directions, making it feel like you shouldn’t have taken the leap back into the workforce. Sometimes that’s the case, but more often than not it’s because we think of difficulty in negative terms. The Bible presents life as a hard journey (Acts 14:22). We’re called to work hard (Col. 3:23-24). Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It might just mean its life. Change is not easy on anyone, but that doesn’t mean change isn’t necessary.
In the hardest moments of going back into the workforce, it is important to speak what is true to ourselves. The difficulty of adjusting to a new normal is real. It won’t always be rosy. It might be filled with grief over a season ending, as the new one beginning is exciting too. But even this is a reminder that while God created us to work, and called it good, the brokenness of this world means awesome things are tainted with angst.
As I step into 2022, tempted to believe everything I just wrote isn’t true, I’m resolved to work with all my might, no matter where God has me. In the Lord, our labors in the home aren’t in vain. And in the Lord, our labors outside the home aren’t either.